"Mama, my heart!" Boom to my childhood terrorist called ‘Mom’

A few words from my native kotokoli language to start with. Zeebi (dirty), chorti (wash), keeli (wash carelessly), masiti (beating) and sheege (idiot!) The fight for domestic independence started very early in life for me – don’t know about my five other siblings.

Hajia Fati Idriss daughter of Kumasi based Alhaji Kenyasi (may Allah have mercy on his soul) taught me what it meant to be a terrorist long before the West labeled Al-Qaeda, Al-Shabaab, Taliban, Hezbollah and Boko Haram as terrorist groups.

They were terrorist groups but for me, there was a terrorist soup – of course, prepared by a terrorist. It was usually a weekend drill at a time when you have played football in the gutters and the rocky stretch in front of our house at Accra New Town.

Hajia Fati: Your clothes are zeebi (dirty), come and chorti (wash) them. If you keeli (wash them anyhow) you’ll receive masiti (beating), do not be a sheege (idiot).

Rules of laundary engagement – Hajia Fati style: You wash three times in soapy water then rinse in warm water. Turn clothes inside out and place on the dry line. Any funny moves, you’ll start all over.

Truth is whenever I started washing so many of ‘my’ clothes I get very unusual palpitations. So I usually submit a humble appeal that my heart was acting up. The usual verbal complaint was ‘Mama, my heart! Mama, my heart!’

Can you believe even in my days of independence – now that I can pay people to save myself palpitations, Hajia Fati finds it convenient and a matter of mockery telling me about my ‘Mama, my heart!’ days?

Mind you, back in the day I’d get a stern warning to warn my heart same or in worse cases a hefty slap for reporting a biological incident for which I was worried. Even when I opted to finish washing before she returned from market, this woman came to inspect the output.

A young me always wondered: This is not a shirt or trouser you’ll wear, even maybe it is not you who bought it for me, so why the stressed stress. An older me insults the idiotic young me, foolish boy, you want people to target Hajia Fati through you eh?

But seriously if your mom cannot be proud of who and what you are – even you yourself have lost that right to be proud. I, however, maintain the terrorist status of Hajia Fati (no going back), if Allah grants us long life – I’d enroll them kids in her terror training school. Boom!!!